


Machines Need Love, Too

by blue_lantern, Elsajeni



Category: Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Crack, Drunk Tony, Gen, I have no excuse for this, Illustrated, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-17
Updated: 2013-03-17
Packaged: 2017-12-05 15:46:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/725018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_lantern/pseuds/blue_lantern, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elsajeni/pseuds/Elsajeni
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This might be a new record for the worst thing Pepper has caught Tony doing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Machines Need Love, Too

**Author's Note:**

> This is the result of an attempt to explain anonymous kinkmemes to my husband, and his effort to come up with a prompt outlandish enough that I wouldn't say "Yep, I've seen that one before."
> 
> (Recently discovered that the illustration had disappeared - hosting issues. It's back! If you read this and there is no illustration, do me a solid and leave a comment saying so.)

Pepper stops in the doorway and gapes.

Tony is standing in the kitchen, wearing the armor — _most_ of the armor; the faceplate is off, abandoned on the counter behind him next to, oh, of _course_ , an empty bottle, and he seems to have lost the left gauntlet somewhere. He's facing the refrigerator, standing close against it, arms outstretched to grip its sides. And he is—

No. Absolutely not. She refuses to believe it. This is a dream, and she is going back upstairs and back to bed, and in the morning this will not have happened. She turns on her heel and starts out of the kitchen.

Of course, that's the moment Tony chooses to look up.

"Pepper!" he says, gleeful — _gleeful_ , good Lord, she can't take it — and a little slurred. "What are you doing up?"

"I heard a noise," Pepper says, staring straight ahead at the display on the microwave; she feels a little foolish, but it's infinitely preferable to looking at Tony right now. "Tony, _what_ are you — no, no, I changed my mind, please don't explain—"

She knows it's too late even as she says it. " _Well_ ," Tony says, and steps back from the fridge and points at her; he's using that careful, over-enunciated tone that means she's in for a drunken lecture. "This suit is... it's a machine. Right? And."

The pause goes on for a while, and eventually it becomes obvious that Tony's lost the thread. "And?" Pepper prompts him, despite her better instincts.

"Right! _And_." He steps toward her, stumbles a little, and sits down awkwardly on a barstool. "And so is the fridge. A machine. So."

"Tony—"

"And I thought they might be lonely!" he finishes, and looks proud of himself. To be fair, it _is_ the longest string of words he's managed in this conversation so far.

"Tony," she tries again, and it takes some effort to keep her voice steady; she's not sure whether she wants to laugh or to scream at him, but either way it wouldn't be productive. "How much have you had to drink?"

"Oh, who's counting," he says, waving a hand airily. "Makes sense, though. Doesn't it?"

Deep breath. "No. It does not. Tony, the suit doesn't have—" Well, actually, sometimes she thinks the suit _does_ have feelings, a personality of sorts, and while she's thinking of a better way to finish that sentence, Tony draws entirely the wrong conclusion.

"I'm working on that," he says, fairly glowing with pride. "I drew a schematic."

Pepper automatically takes the piece of paper he hands her, still trying to figure out what he's talking about. Then she makes the mistake of looking at it, and then she does scream at him.

He actually looks _hurt_. "You don't like it."

" _No_ , Tony, I do not." She tries to hand it back to him, but he won't take it; she ends up setting it on the counter, then reaching back out to flip it face-down. "It's... it is not what I would call a 'schematic,' either."

He's still making that kicked-puppy face, and she sighs and softens her tone. "Tony, please don't sulk. Listen, you can work on this in the morning, okay?" She hopes to God he won't, but he _can_. "But it's three o'clock. You need to get out of the suit and go to bed."

It takes another twenty minutes of cajoling, helping him balance down the steps to the workshop, and one or two outright threats, but eventually the suit is disassembled and back where it belongs; Tony is on the couch, which is close enough to where _he_ belongs and frankly she doesn't have the patience to try to move him; and the "schematic" is... well. In her hand, and she knows she ought to throw it away, or possibly burn it, but she can't quite bring herself to.

It goes in Tony's briefcase instead, tucked into a pocket where it'll be visible to him, but not to anyone else.

He has a meeting at ten.

She's rather looking forward to the phone call.

**Author's Note:**

> Text by me, Elsajeni. Illustration by [blue_lantern](http://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_lantern/profile), who is just the best.


End file.
